On Tuesday, September 27th of 2011, the slubs were singlehandedly responsible for leading the Minnesota Twins to victory over the Kansas City Royals.
This feat was particularly important because the Twins were in serious danger of hitting a record, and not a good one: 100 losses in a season. Ouch. As the extremely nice man sitting next to slub Kat noted, however, apparently Twins fans don’t seem to care so much about their team sucking that they refuse to come out and see a game. The stadium wasn’t exactly packed but it wasn’t a ghost town either. That probably has as much to do with the newness of the Stadium as anything – I doubt many fans would have come to see their team lose its 100th game in the Metrodome. (That’s probably why people are much more critical of the Vikings…if I had to sit in the Dome and watch my team consistently lose in the clutch, I’d personally refuse to attend a game until they started improving. Look at me, pretending to be all sports knowledge-y! I’ve fooled you all!)
So what I’m trying to say is the reason the Twins won last night was obviously because it was the slubs’ second game of the season. They won at the game we watched in May, and they won last night, but they really didn’t do much winning in between then…so it was up to us to help them.
And we did our level slub best.
- First, Laura spilled pasta on her pants at dinner.
- Then, we got totally awesome seats that weren’t in the nose bleeds, thank you very much – for FREE. Slubs will take nearly anything if it’s free. Donations will be accepted at the Dupont house.
- Next, we scoffed at the raucous and drunk boys with beer bellies who had decided to sit in our seats. (One boy actually moved next to Laura when his friend left to get more beer so “she wouldn’t take his seat”. Which was, of course, our seat in the first place. Towards the end of the game they got busted for sneaking a flask into the stadium and openly drinking from it in public. Ah, sweet revenge…)
- Later, we ate stadium food. Shannon got twist ice cream in a kiddie cone, which was actually just the size of a regular cake cone, but the cashier questioned her decision because she didn’t want a waffle cone. He didn’t know that slubs always make the best decision on the first try. Laura, slub queen for the night, got chocolate soft serve with strawberry sauce in a mini Twins helmet. I’m sure the helmet will henceforth appear in random and possibly inappropriate places throughout the Dupont house. Both Shannon and Laura had a very hard time choosing between consuming ice cream, a hot dog, Kettle Korn, nachos, fries, and/or a Mike’s Hard. In the end, however, both realized that all these items could be eaten at a later date. Praise the slubby Lord!
- Sometime before the eating but after scoffing at the boys, Anna revealed that she felt simultaneously like attending a Pause dance and sleeping. Luckily she got a chance to shake her groove thang to one of the many pop gems played throughout the night, in particular “Fishing in the Dark”. That was a particularly bumpin tune, as I’m sure you can all imagine. The song was briefly confused with that one about fried chicken, but all was quickly corrected.
- Finally, we took the bus home. Slubs love the environment and are all for sustainability. Slubs felt triumphant when they arrived safely at the corner of 26th and Lyndale. Slubs have officially conquered public transportation.
Invigorated by our unyielding commitment to the slubby way, the Twins likewise committed to not failing miserably and beat the Royals. The fireworks that appeared over the Stadium after the game ended were to honor the slubs for braving a Tuesday night out in jeans and scarves instead of sweatshirts and stretchy pants.